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    September 19

    昨晚的恶梦与一地鸡毛

    昨晚上做了一个很怪的梦,梦见自己躺在地板上,旁边有一个小孩子将污秽的粪便拉到了我的衬衣袖子上,我不住的恶心,然后呕吐,直到惊醒,今天腿莫名的酸,感觉特别累,是不是跟昨天的梦有什么冥冥中的联系?
    吃过午饭回了寝室,本来想睡个觉的,拿起那小说就没合上眼了。《一地鸡毛》借它有两个原因,一是短,对于长篇,我很少有耐心可以看完;其次,我依稀记得有过一部试验电影《一地鸡毛》,我对于试验电影的理解止于它是平常小老百姓看不懂的电影,其实我已经记不清是不是叫“试验电影”,但我一直认为我会看懂,我这样文艺的人怎么会看不懂?!我这样自以为的。
    现在,我应该很庆幸还存在着一点心高气傲,还觉得官僚算什么,这个社会应该怎样怎样,这个政府怎么怎么的,有一搭没一搭。M对我说给你介绍个男朋友,XX工作的哦,其实J在之前就说过类似的话;表舅说你工作吧,今年我们法院进了两个本科生呢,考研出来不还是要考公务员?......我一直自认为是现实的,甚至是世俗的,到头来却被一些不现实的东西隐隐的牵制着,“生活”好像在一步步的紧逼向我,我现在所做的一切没有过过脑子,仿佛是顺其自然的、不由自主的一种逃避。
    我喜欢王小波,还有这个叫刘震云的,如果他们像我自以为他们过着的那种我想着却没有能力或者没有勇气去过的日子。
     

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